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The Motherfucker With the Phone

Bobby Cannavale and Chris Rock

To the Motherfucker With the Phone,

Hello! You don’t know me, but I was behind you last week at “The Motherfucker With the Hat.”

Cool play, huh? I’m curious – what brought you to the show – was it Chris Rock? The titular “motherfucker”? Or are you just really into the Tony Awards?

I ask because you seemed pretty preoccupied by your oh-so-aggressively incandescent phone throughout the show, texting, tweeting, flickring, linkedin-ing, blogging, and myspacing at every uncouth moment. (That is, constantly.) What was so urgent?

Was it,

“OMG broadway is the shizzle #iluvbroadway”

“wtf these seats don’t even recline ughhhhhhhhh”

“when is halftime hello I want my nachos”

“@Tonyawards holla!! lovin me some @motherfucker!”

I’m glad you feel comfortable expressing yourself, Ms. Motherfucker. I mean, is expression not the very base of art? What are we without our freedom to say how we feel? Here’s to you and your journey to create. May your phone be as a notepad; your keys a quill pen. May your texts be as haikus, so concise, elegant, and honest.

But in the off chance that your mobile compulsion is less, well, noble, please consider pocketing the thing the next time you care to join 1,500 of your closest friends at the theater. Might there not be 90 minutes of your life that don’t require commentary or archiving? That’s not rhetorical — I’m really just curious!

In any case, all the best, Ms. Motherfucker! I’m sure I’ll see you or one of your “followers” or “friends” around town. You and your kind are so wonderfully omnipresent!

@MotherfuckerWithThePhone – g2g & c u sooooooon!! lolz!!!!!

Thanks!

xo theater-words

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